Recommended Books

Books for Children

My children were never thrilled with adoption books. So I focused on what I call Loving and Belonging books. Here are some favorites.

Mama Do You Love Me? By Barbara M. Joose & Illustrated by Barbara Lavallee (2000) A beautifully illustrated book about a child testing the limits of her mama’s love. This book reminds me of so many of our children, and how they often test us to check if we will love them no matter what we do. The story is told through the culture of the Inuit people of Alaska.

The Right Touch by Sandy Kleven, LCSW (1997) As parents we try to reinforce messages of a child’s right to not be abused. We try to find ways in which to tell our children that they have the right to tell others not to touch their body. Ms. Klevens' book is another way we can tell our children in a story format what their rights are and how to stop potential or existing abuse.

Good Night Harry by Kim Lewis (2003) A sweet book about friendship and comfort. With so many of our children having a difficult time calming down to go to sleep, this can be a tool parents can use to get your child soothed.

Pre-Adoption Books

Here are some books that we consider basics when considering adoption or in the adoption process.    

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best (1997) This book discusses the precious gifts and consuming frustrations of parenting toddlers.  After reading Toddler Adoption, you will feel more prepared and have a resource in which to turn.  

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David M. Brodzinsky, Ph.D.; Marshall D. Schechter, MD & Robin Marantz Henig (1992) I recommend this book often.  I find it can benefit parents and professionals.  It overlays potential adoption tasks on Erik Erickson’s developmental tasks.    On the down side this is an older book and I find some of the language a bit archaic.  

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah D. Gray (2002) Attaching seems to be “the” issue in adoption.  Of course attachment in adoption is critical, it is important to know what it means, more importantly, a parent needs to know how to foster attachment and signs that a child has problems attaching.  Deborah provides valuable vignettes, task checklists and techniques.  This book has become a classic in a very short time, and deservedly so.    

Adoption is a Family Affair by Patricia Irwin Johnston (2001) A helpful book when friends or family have questions about adoption or your decision to adopt.  

Adoptive Family Books

The following books can provide new and experienced parents with valuable information and tools.  

Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Multicultural Children by Donna Jackson Nakazawa (2003) The author draws on research and information in help raising multi-culturally children and being part of a multi-cultural family.  I especially appreciate the realistic suggestions provided.  Ms. Nakazawa provides tools for parents to help children prepare challenges of being multi-cultural or coming from a multi-cultural family.  This is not a book specifically about adoptive families or children.  

Raising Adopted Children: Practical, Reassuring Advice for Every Adoptive Parent by Lois Melina (1998) Thought to be a primer in adoption.  Covers many issues in adoption, including: transition and adjustment, bonding and attachment. talking about adoption, risk issues, open adoption, ethnic and cultural identity and disabilities. This is an easy to read, straight forward, informative book.  

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best (1997) This book discusses the precious gifts and consuming frustrations of parenting toddlers.  After reading Toddler Adoption, you will feel more prepared and have a resource in which to turn.  

Multiracial Child Resource Book: Living Complex Identities by Maria P. P. Root and Matt Kelley (2003) This book is available through Mavin Foundation.  The glossary is very valuable in the terms it clarifies.  The Resource Book covers; basic multi-racial issues: identity and development, specific multi-racial heritages, and resources.  

A Mind At A Time by Mel Levine, MD (2002)   Dr. Levine, a nationally recognized learning expert, author and speaker, reviews the variety of potential learning styles that our children possess.  Dr. Levine reviews the systems;  memory, language, motor, social thinking and more.  He makes the case for appreciating, celebrating and managing learning differences.   A great resource to reduce parent guilt when it comes to your child's education.

The Post Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption  Karen Foli, Ph.D. and John Thompson, MD (2004) This The authors explore the too rarely discussed topic of expectations in adoption.  Expectations are not always met and the resulting sadness, frustration and at times depression, can catch us completely off-guard, especially when we’ve worked so hard to become a parent.  Read this book to help reduce your feelings of isolation and guilt.          

Books for Birth Family Members

There are embarrassingly few resources for birth family members. Here are some that are recommended by respected professionals as well as books we like.

Third Choice by Leslie Foge, (2003) Publisher: Creative Arts Book Company. The Third Choice takes potential birth mothers through their pregnancies; the birth, the relinquishing process, and the grief and recovery periods afterward.

Your rights and Responsibilities: A guide for expectant parents considering adoption, by Brenda Romanchik, (1999) Publisher: Insight. It is so difficult to know how adoption "works." During this emotional time, it is even more complex. It is so important for birth parents to know their rights and responsibilities. Ms. Romachik spells this out in an easy to understand manner.

The Adoption Reader: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers and Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories, Edited by Susan Wadia-Ellis, (1995) Publisher; Seal Press The stories in this book are often eloquent and moving, even controversial. The women’s voices are very honest.

Adoption Reunion Survival Guide preparing yourself for the search, reunion and beyond, by Julie Jarrell Bailey & Lynn N. Giddens, MA (2001) Published by New Harbinger Publications. The authors tell of the pitfalls, joys and legal issues when reuniting. Great suggestions on “do’s and don’ts.”

Books for Adopted Adults

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David M. Brodzinsky, Ph.D.; Marshall D. Schechter, MD & Robin Marantz Henig (1992)
I recommend this book often. I find it useful for parents and professionals. It overlays potential adoption developmental tasks on Erik Erickson’s model of developmental tasks. It’s value to adopted adults would be to understand some of the processes they went through or are going through.

The Adoption Reader: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers and Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories, Edited by Susan Wadia-Ellis, (1995) The stories in this book are often eloquent and moving, even controversial. The women’s voices are very honest.

Adoption Reunion Survival Guide: Preparing Yourself for the Search, Reunion and Beyond, by Julie Jarrell Bailey & Lynn N. Giddens, MA (2001) Great suggestions on “do’s" and "don’ts.” Bailey and Giddens review preparation, pitfalls and legal issues.

Sacred Connections: Stories of Adoption Essays by Mary Ann Koenig (2000) A very honest book, sometimes difficult to read because of the pain. Adults that were adopted may find shared feelings with some of the story subjects.

Searching for a Past: The Adopted Adults Unique Process of Finding Identity by Jayne Schooler (1995) A realistic and sensitive look at real feelings, real barriers and, real pain and certainly real joy.

Books for Professionals

Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma by Deborah D. Gray
(2007) Deborah’s newest book has done so much of the leg work for those of us who work in adoptions and want to know the latest research, how to interpret it and how to use it to help children and families. Deborah provides easy to follow guide for caseworkers, teachers, therapists, parents, child welfare workers and mental health workers.

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best (1997) Discusses the precious gifts and consuming frustrations of parenting toddlers. After reading Toddler Adoption, you will feel more prepared and have a resource in which to turn.

Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David M. Brodzinsky, Ph.D.; Marshall D. Schechter, MD & Robin Marantz Henig (1992) I recommend this book often. It can benefit parents and professionals. It overlays potential adoption tasks on Erik Erickson’s model of developmental tasks. On the down side this is an older book and I find some of the language a bit archaic.

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah D. Gray (2002) A classic in adoption and trauma work. If you work with children who have experienced early loss and trauma, you need to read this book. Great book to to recommend to families.

A Child’s Journey through Placement by Vera Falberg MD (1992) A foundational book for professionals that work with children in foster care. A must.

Children’s Adjustment to Adoption: Developmental and Clinical Issues by Anne Brodzinsky, Daniel Smith, David Brodzinsky (1998) An important, brief book that summarizes research on adoption issues such as; special needs adoption, open adoption, trans-racial adoption, inter-country adoption, clinical and treatment strategies.